now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
