I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
