apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This baby is an asshole
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
