Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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