I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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