sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
