Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
