I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
