Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
