Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
