So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
