Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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