a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
only if we run a train.
done.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
