giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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