Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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