And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
