i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
