haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
