the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That was an excessively violent trivia night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
