I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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