from now on my penis is your penis
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
