i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
