Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
