WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
