2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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