i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
