can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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