haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
