She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
