Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
