my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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