Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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