if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just had sex on a roof
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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