i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
