i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
