SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
