Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
