I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
