I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
