No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize