When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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