Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
