the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
