??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The struggles of a small town man whore
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
