I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
