boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
