Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
whose parrot is this?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
