I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
