you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
