what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
