I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
