So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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