Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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